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Awesomely clever insults
When Insults Had Class
These glorious insults are from an era before the English
language got boiled down to 4-letter words (and people
still used their brains, if they had any!).
-- The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor:
She said, "If you were my husband I'd poison your tea."
He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."
-- A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die
on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."
"That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your
policies or your mistress."
-- "He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr
-- "He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." -
Winston Churchill
-- "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries
with great pleasure." Clarence Darrow
-- "He has never been known to use a word that might send a
reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest
Hemingway).
-- "Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no
time reading it." - Moses Hadas
-- "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I
approved of it." - Mark Twain
-- "He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.."
- Oscar Wilde
-- "I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a
friend.... if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one."
- Winston Churchill, in response.
-- "I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here."
- Stephen Bishop
-- "He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright
-- "I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."
- Irvin S. Cobb
-- "He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others."
- Samuel Johnson
-- "He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating
-- "In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily."
- Charles, Count Talleyrand
-- "He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker
-- "Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any
address on it?" - Mark Twain
-- "His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."
- Mae West
-- "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever
they go." - Oscar Wilde
-- "He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support
rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)
-- "He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder
-- "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."
- Groucho Marx
Forwarded by Ann Sloan
Blessings and smiles
Dan Benor, MD
http://awesomewholistichealing.com/
These glorious insults are from an era before the English
language got boiled down to 4-letter words (and people
still used their brains, if they had any!).
-- The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor:
She said, "If you were my husband I'd poison your tea."
He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."
-- A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die
on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."
"That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your
policies or your mistress."
-- "He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr
-- "He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." -
Winston Churchill
-- "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries
with great pleasure." Clarence Darrow
-- "He has never been known to use a word that might send a
reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest
Hemingway).
-- "Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no
time reading it." - Moses Hadas
-- "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I
approved of it." - Mark Twain
-- "He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.."
- Oscar Wilde
-- "I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a
friend.... if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one."
- Winston Churchill, in response.
-- "I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here."
- Stephen Bishop
-- "He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright
-- "I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."
- Irvin S. Cobb
-- "He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others."
- Samuel Johnson
-- "He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating
-- "In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily."
- Charles, Count Talleyrand
-- "He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker
-- "Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any
address on it?" - Mark Twain
-- "His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."
- Mae West
-- "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever
they go." - Oscar Wilde
-- "He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support
rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)
-- "He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder
-- "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."
- Groucho Marx
Forwarded by Ann Sloan
Blessings and smiles
Dan Benor, MD
http://awesomewholistichealing.com/
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